Friday, August 2, 2013

EMPOWERING QUESTIONS

Sometimes, when people are acting in unempowered ways that diminish their ability to act, you can help them get their life back with empowering questions.

Challenging limiting belief

Many of us have limiting beliefs which stop us from thinking and acting in ways that could help us achieve our potential. Questions that can help here should highlight the belief and offer challenges to help the person consider limitations and alternative.
Why do you think that?
Do you really believe that?
Who else believes that?
What else could you believe?
What if you believed something different?
What's the worst thing that could happen if you did? What's the best thing?

Exceptions to extremism

When people do not want to argue about something they tend to use comments that push everything to extremes. This is in order to
Everybody's got one.
You always do that.
I'm totally depressed.
It is as if they are

Finding the exception

A way to address extreme statements is to find one or more exceptions. This is best done by asking questions:
Is there anybody (other than you) you who hasn't got one?
Do I always do it? Every time? Can you remember me not doing it?
Could you be even more depressed? Might there be someone more depressed than you?

From possibility to action

Sometimes people deal in impossibilities. Perhaps because they are afraid or failure or maybe due to other limiting beliefs or maybe even laziness, they just declare things impossible.
Jeff wouldn't like that at all.
We just don't have the time.
It'll cost far too much.
I'm not good enough for that.
I just don't know.
A simple way of breaking this mindset is to inch forward into possibilities.
What if we could find another person to help?
How can we do it for less money?
What if you just did it anyway?
If you did know, what would you say?

KIPLING QUESTIONS

Rudyard Kipling wrote a short poem outlining a powerful set of questions:
I keep six honest serving men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.
Whenever in doubt as to what to ask, just dip into these questions.

What

'What?' often asks for noun responses, seeking things that are or will be. They may also prompt for verbs when they seek actions.
'What' questions include:
What are you doing?
What shall we do next?
What happened?
What is stopping you from succeeding?
What is the most important thing to do now?
Three 'Whats' that may be asked in sequence to solve problems are:
What are you trying to achieve?
What is the real problem?
What is the solution?

Why

Asking 'why' seeks cause-and-effect. If you know the reason why people have done something, then you gain a deeper understanding of them. If you know how the world works, then you may be able to affect how it changes in the future.
Asking 'why' seeks logical connections and shows you to be rational in your thinking. It can also be a good way of creating a pause or distraction in a conversation, as many people make assertive statements but without knowing the real 'why' behind those assertions.
A reversal of 'Why' is to ask 'Why not', which is a wonderful creative challenge for stimulating people to think 'outside the box'.
Why questions include:
Why did you do that?
Why did that happen?
Why is it important for us to try it again?
Why not give it a try?

When

'When' seeks location in time and can imply two different types of time. 'When', first of all, can ask for a specific single time, for example when a person will arrive at a given place or when an action will be completed. 'When' may also seek a duration, a period of time, such as when a person will take a holiday.
When will you be finished?
When will you give me the money?
When are you taking your holiday? (next Summer)

How

'How' seeks verbs of process. They are hence good for probing into deeper detail of what has happened or what will happen.
How did you achieve that?
How shall we get there?
How will you know she likes you?
'How' may also be used with other words to probe into time and quantity.
How often will you see me?
How much do you owe him?
This can be quite effective for diverting attention away from the real question. For example in the first question above, the attention is on 'how often' and 'seeing me' is assumed.

Where

'Where' seeks to locate an action or event in three-dimensional space. This can be simple space, such as on, above, under, below. It can be regional space, such as next door or in the other building. It can be geographic space, such as New York, London or Paris.
If something is going to be delivered or done, then asking 'Where' is a very good companion to asking 'When', in order to clarify exactly what delivery will take place.
Where will you put it?
Where will they be delivered?

Who

The question 'Who' brings people into the frame, connecting them with actions and things. The 'Who' of many situations includes 'stakeholders', who are all the people with an interest in the action. Key people to identify are those who will pay for and receive the benefits of the action. Of course, you also may want to know who is going to do the work and whose neck is on the line -- that is who is ultimately responsible.
Who is this work for?
Who will benefit most from what you propose?
Who else would be interested?

Assumptive questions

Kipling questions provide a simple method of using assumptive questions that act as if something is true, then hide it in a question:
How much do you care? (assumption: you care)
How will you persuade her? (assumption: you will seek to persuade her)
Where will you buy it? (assumption: you will buy it)
When will you make the change? (assumption: you will make the change)

Solving problems

A simple framework for solving problems may be defined by combining What, Why and How, as follows:
1. What is the problem?
2. Why is it happening?
3. How can you fix it?
4. – Fix it! –
5. Why did it work or not work?
6. What next?

QUESTIONING TECHNIQUES

Asking questions is a fundamental part of finding information and for subtle (and otherwise) persuasion. Here are various pages on questioning: